Thursday, June 28, 2007
moving up a level

this week has been crazily busy with work. i went back at 430 on wed morning, and came into the office at 2pm. didn't get to sleep well. my mind was occupied with linking the different principles and concepts of my proj. i was half sleeping half thinking between 530 to 9. i don't know how i did that, somehow, i just did it. i only went back to sleep at 10 and woke up at 11. my mind was 'soaked' with all the stuff i learnt the whole nite. wed, which was yest, i stayed again till nearly 1am. tiredness really set in then. today i came in at the normal working time, 830. well, nearly 9 in actual fact. =) and right now, i'm just stealing some time off this crazy schedule of mine to blog, just so that i rem that i did wat i did.

working hrs aside, i guess i really moved up to a different level in terms of the expections i have of myself. i really learnt. i rem i was whining to wf (my darling) on wed morn. i was tired. i felt disappointed. i felt lousy. i found it hard. but today, i see things from a different perspective in my work. i know what project i'm actually involved in now. i feel that i've moved up the ladder by a tiny step. i spent the whole of today, figuring out all the concepts and how they're linked or related to the next step and so on. at the end of the afternoon, i was tired, felt so drained. but i was happily drained cos i've moved on. n i'm glad that it happened. i'm expecting to stay till late tonight. cos i think my discussion is not going to start till 11pm (the earliest).

it's really a challenge to stay awake at night, what makes it more challenging, is the ability of the brain to work WELL. when i think back now, i realised i've done it on wed night, from 9pm to 4:30am. i didn't know how i did it. i would normally have switched off. =) i'm proud of myself for that.

but i think most importantly, i've someone who's always beside me mentally, spiritually and i'm very thankful and appreciative of all his gestures. =) consoling me when i'm down, and cheering me on when the tough gets going.

take for instance last nite, he came n pick me up at my colleague's place w the little waggie in the car. i felt so happy and relieved. relieved from all the stress i've brought from work.

my life's dedicated to work for now. =)

Monday, June 18, 2007
the lousy me~!

this is one of the most trying times in my life. well, a time where i'm worried about work, worried about not being able to get on track and catch up on the proj. it's hard. i'm going to have another meeting on monday, n the thought of it makes my heart beat very fast. hmm. i hate this feeling. the feeling of uncertainties. i read and read, think and think, but i think it's not sufficient, not in depth. why why why? i feel so lousy. urgh.. =(

anyway, my last post was a mess! haha. i started on mon, then posted it on wed, only to find out that it's dated on monday. and cos i thought it would be dated on wed, i changed the dates. some typed on wed, i typed 'yest' blah blah. haha. sounds confusing huh? haha.

it's saturday today, and i'm stuck between 2 choices. one, study, second, to blade! urgh! i can't believe i actually chose the former. ewwww!! have i changed? apparently, i have!

ok, i don't feel likte typing anymore. so bye!

P.S. i typed this today, 23rd, june, sat, y is it still dated on monday when i publish?

in the midst of the busy-ness

another meeting on wed. quoted by my darling,"your meeting is ur exam." i really think so, n i think it's more scary. i'm afraid of meetings, cos it'll be the time where i'll realise i don't know so many things. perhaps, i should see it in a more positive light, that is, it's time when i gain some knowledge. =) but it's not for me to see. not me alone.



i really hope that i'll be a much better researcher in time to come. <-written last nite

did preps for the meeting later the whole of yest. time flies! n up till now, i'm still doing. hopefully, they're the correct things. i'll have to learn to take everything in stride.

work aside, i miss my friends. i miss hoho. i always get a surprise when i see her sms. like wow! u still rem me. lol. i'll do some catching up w friends after all these come to a halt. till then!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007
a busy bee

this is bumble the bee, he says hi to u. SMACK! there goes bumble the bee. ha! pweesy, do u rem this?

i'm as bz as a nerdy bee. reading n reading, absorbing some knowledge but filtering off others. bad way of reading. but, oh well, i'll learn to control my brain. but 1stly, i need to kill the laziness in me! it's a challenge to concentrate after a meal. i can't do it sometimes, it's as if my brain keeps telling me that it's enough. but i feel that it's not! a struggle in myself.

i'm blogging in the midst of my busy-ness to remind myself that i was once in this shitterdeedoodle. tho i can sense there's more to come. not yet, but soon. a bit more to go, n i can be free once again! perhaps a little treat for myself. boo boo.

back to cracking my brain n concentrating! =(

taking baby steps in improving my temper. =) *work in progress*

Monday, June 04, 2007
bad-tempered-ness

i realised i don't know how to give relevant n good titles! haha! it's time i should admit something. oh well, i'm beginning to feel that i can't control my temper, my emotions. i'm losing that grip, n it's worrying! i used to tell myself that i have to control my temper lest it controls me! but i think the latter's happening now. it's time i should shake myself up!

i know i've not been the nicest i can be. i know i've become a mean girl. i know i've made pple, especially the darling of mine become less intolerable of me. (tho his tolerance level is way above average) i know i've been bad. i'm sorry. i used to think that controlling laughter was the hardest thing ever!. i think otherwise now. i think my bad-temperedness is the hardest to control thing now! such is the irony of life. how? i don't know how to psycho myself to change, or to control myself during the necessary times. but somehow, don't know how, i know i have to. i know i have to untwine this temper of mine. it has been slowly, steadily entwining around me, n i hate it. much as i feel apologetic, the best way out now is to show the change in me. the change in attitude (temper) would triumph over 100 sorrys, isn't it? action still speak louder than words.

implementation(s): first and foremost, i need to take out that determination n perseverance in me! we'll see! i hope to see success. n i hope that in time to come, very soon, i can smell success.

Friday, June 01, 2007
FRIDAY!

yesterday marked the most memorable day of my life! *don't tell u why* hahaha!

did alot of reading yesterday, to prepare for today's meeting. just ended bout 2 1/2 hrs ago, n i realised i've got a good boss. something to feel happy about. =D went for dinner in nuh w my colleagues. heh. i'm quite happy here, but work can be quite stressful. huh.

haven't been blogging alot cos my lappie has died on me! time to get a new one!

anyway, nothing much to blog about recently, it's quite work n more work. reading n more reading. i've got such an interesting life. i quite enjoy working here, the environment n all. but oh well, take one step at a time.

ok, i'm really running out on topics already. will blog soon!